So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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