Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
