Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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