Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
