I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
