I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
