he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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