yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
