New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
