i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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