Hey man sorry I got all grabby
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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