I cannot find my penis.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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