Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
