Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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