We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My liver just had a heart attack.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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