Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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