No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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