yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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