Little spoons don't ask big questions
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
