i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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