somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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