dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Enjoy the penises
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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