I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
