I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
That accounts for only three of the penises
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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