Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
