You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
