thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Every concussion has its silver lining
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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