I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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