I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
