God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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