gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
