OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
