are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
