I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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