pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
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It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize