I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
