NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
