College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
