oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
