What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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