I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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