let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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