New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
