You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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