You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
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