Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
