drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
