Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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