The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/