so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
