I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
