Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
