I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
