So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
