awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
high people should be assigned attendants
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
