I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
