Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
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Dignity is for republicans.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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