don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
