Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think my nap took me to another dimension
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
