i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
