You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Drunk is not a location!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
