So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
