If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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