Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
