I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
