Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
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Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
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I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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