someone owes me an orgasm
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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