Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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