not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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