that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
