I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
