i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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