This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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